Thoughts on Funerals....

Sometimes when we attend these events love is brought home with you among the sadness.  
I knew that this was one time when I was full of trepidation as my past pitched itself headfirst into the present.  I would be meeting persons not seen for 30 years or more and I didn't know how they would feel about past events. 
I went to say goodbye and to support her husband.

She became a sister to me and I to her, we shared the children, she gave her second name to N and became her Godmother, she helped me name my third daughter - we concocted a name from the Greek Mythology story of Hero and Leander LEANNE and then found out that Hero was the girl in the story!!! - she helped me bury Leanne and pick up life again, she moved to another country .... and then we drifted ..... we stayed in touch by letter ...... and then we drifted ...... she became ill and J kept me updated ...... but I never visited.
During prayers the Minister prayed for us all and, among her words, she prayed for forgiveness for all our regrets ....... there are always regrets at this time ...... if onlys ........  wishes that things had been said ....... 
The Service showed how much Joan had been loved and how much love she had shared to everyone she met.  She never changed until she became just too ill to fight and all she could do was stay brave.
After the service we wandered out to the Garden of Memory, PJ, N and I, looking at the flowers and people - we did not recognise anyone except for J and  ...... after a while her two boys.  We approached one of her sons and he thanked us for coming ..... and then did a double take and shouted out and gave me a big cuddle - my  youngest foster son!  We moved out together and then my other foster son recognised me and came running .... he cried as he hugged me ........ so much love, more than I expected.  After all this time and after all the pain and hurt and anger and lies that happened in my life they still loved me .... so much!
I cannot explain in words how it felt to see them and hug them after all these years.  They are men now with their own lives and families but still my little boys at heart ....... I'm so glad I went .... we will stay in touch .... no more regrets .... no more if onlys ..... just love and laughter.......